Telephobia: The Fear of Picking Up the Phone (and Why It’s a Big Problem)
Back in January 2018, I was teaching at MIT Sloan, working with some of the brightest young minds in business analytics. I introduced an exercise called “Calling a Stranger.” Sounds simple, right? Well, not quite.
The students had to simulate making a phone call by standing back-to-back with a classmate, pretending to call a senior professional they had met by chance. The goal? Ask for an in-person meeting.
What did I get? Tears. Actual, genuine, panic-induced tears. These were top students—future business leaders—yet many had never made a cold call in their lives.
What happened to us?
Since then, things have only gotten worse. Synchronous communication—real conversations where one person speaks, and another immediately responds—is disappearing from the radars. Instead, we are drowning in:
- WhatsApps and text messages
- Voice notes (because pressing “call” is too scary).
- Teams messages (where urgent things take three hours to resolve).
- Emails where everyone is in CC (because responsibility is best shared, or rather, avoided).
And let’s not forget the infamous message before the call: “Is this a good
time to call?” No! Pick up the phone and surprise me! That is how real
connections happen.
The Great Irony: We’re hardwired for real communication
Human beings are built for interaction. We thrive on immediate exchange: action,
reaction, laughter, frustration, and, most importantly, unexpected brilliance.
Instead, we have created a world of avoidance:
- We fear embarrassment.
- We fear not having the perfect answer.
- We fear being ghosted (or worse, cancelled)—and yet we do it to others all the time.
And yet, Without friction, no Shine, as the Germans say, and they still get it right sometimes…
Why Does This Matter?
Here is the problem: today’s biggest challenges—climate change, AI stealing human jobs, mass migration, housing becoming unaffordable, new cars getting uglier by the day and dark chocolate getting more expensive —will not be solved by a single person sitting behind a screen, typing messages into Slack. These require:
- Generations working together – wisdom meets fresh perspectives.
- Different skill sets clashing – data scientists, philosophers, artists, engineers.
- People pushing back, challenging, and debating – because great solutions come from tough conversations.
Without face-to-face, real-time discussion, we becoming slow, less innovative, and too fragmented.
The Workplace Nightmare: When No One Talks Anymore
In my research and coaching, I see organisations where:
- Teams rely on meeting invitations instead of quick calls.
- People attend pointless meetings out of FOMO (while secretly answering emails).
- Offices are empty because no one sees the value in coming in.
And then we wonder why projects are slow, creativity is dead, and decision-making is stuck in an email chain from hell.
How Do We Fix This?
It is not about banning technology but about disciplining ourselves to use it
wisely. Here is the way forward:
- Digital detox – Encourage periods of real, uninterrupted conversation. No phones, no screens, just humans talking.
- Teach and truly learn communication skills – Being able to pick up the phone, negotiate, challenge, and persuade is not old-school; it is essential.
- Encourage friction – Let people debate, disagree, and find better solutions together. Without challenge, there is no progress.
- Change the office culture – Promote low-hurdle communication, where people are comfortable walking up to a colleague instead of sending a formal “per my last email.”
Final Thought: The Joy of the Unexpected Call
Yes, the phone can be scary. But so is missing out on true connection, problem-solving, and spontaneous brilliance.
So next time you think of sending a message, consider calling instead. You might just rediscover the magic of conversation.
Without friction, no shine. Let’s bring back the power of the unexpected call.
